When I sit back and listen
And allow the world to close in on me
I hear a voice in my head telling me to be still…pay attention
And when I listen to that voice I allow my guard to come down and the walls around me shatter
And what I begin to hear is a hesitation of a heart that’s never really sure what it wants
Your heart….playing hide and seek with mine
And then it breaks a little….
Maybe I should apologize for being such a hopeless romantic
For envisioning a love that may be so far out of my reach….
So far beyond my grasp that it becomes clear that it was always an impossible conclusion
Because although I want to love you
Above that, I want you to LET me love you….
More than your dreams can imagine and your mind can wrap itself around
But it’s hard loving a man…..that always has one foot outside the door
Always a step out of my reach…
When I let myself be still and pay attention
I notice that you seem to be looking for more than all that I can give you
More than MY heart has to offer….
And then, that same heart that’s bare and vulnerable and waiting for you, breaks a little bit more…..
There are times where you build me so high….
Where you fill me with love and undeserved expectation and attention
Only to let me down, unexpectedly and without warning, and leave me falling alone..
Feeling unwanted and not needed…..
Without your arms reaching out to catch me…..to reassure me….to love me
And when I finally hit the floor
That once broken heart that your effort and time and careful attentiveness once healed, shatters
Worse than before
Unable to heal….unable to repair itself from this onslaught
And just like the end of every tragedy, I’m left wondering why
You almost had me convinced you were going to stay around
I was almost convinced that I had found someone that’s not afraid to let go…..