There will be times in your life where you wake up on a random morning and think to yourself, “I’m different today.” The world looks different, the world feels different, and the decisions that you have made or did not make seem to be under a microscope and you have developed an entirely new perspective regarding them that leaves you with 0% tendency towards regret and 100% tendency towards being resolute. That one solitary moment where it dawns on you that you just changed your mind….and THAT just changed your life. Time is healing and life is one big interconnected series of unfortunately fortunate events to shape the wonderfully made person that you are. Flaws and all. And the more I get to know myself, the more I see myself straying further and further away from everything that I have always known. Or things/people I thought I knew, but never really did. And I hurt. I hurt deep down to my core because of things/people that are lost to me, whether physically or emotionally, and the frightening reality of having to face the “unknown” of what may become of my life or who else will decide to enter it, even if only for a little while. I believe and have faith that God gives his strongest soldiers the toughest battles. But in my unspoken thoughts and my secret prayers, I sometimes kinda wish he didn’t trust me as much as he does. Self-discovery is bittersweet. The simplicity of revealing myself and expressing to people that “I just want to know you”, seems to be like asking for the world on a silver platter. It’s like moving mountains. Just….to know you. Just to experience what life has taught you and what you have, in turn, taught yourself. Be it a friend, a relative, or a lover, it seems to be like asking for a bite of forbidden fruit. Being genuine is almost an extinct trait. Having an honest conversation seems so taboo that it’s second nature to throw in a joke to make people feel more “comfortable”. Real topics and discussions are labeled and numbered and there are invisible rules to the “dos and don’t’s” of what can actually be discussed and what can’t. I guess I missed the class where having a simple, real, adult conversation became so complicated, filled with rules, consequences, and stipulations? But if you’re lucky enough to even have one moment of feeling your growth overnight, literally, you’re one of favored few. The epiphanies of life are outrageously necessary. Explore what they mean, put in the work and effort to be the best you you can be, and find your inner peace. Pay attention to who you surround yourself with because they are a reflection of you. What are you inviting into your house? Your heart? Excuses and justifications are a way to make yourself comfortable and dignified in your mistakes and shortcomings. I reject them. I am a flawed individual. And I’m working on myself. Nothing more needs to be explained. Because what’s understood doesn’t have to be. But you will always SEE my growth before you ever hear me speak of it. You will always SEE my determination before you ever hear me talk about it. And you will always see my mistakes before you hear me point them out. I’m human, what can I say? However, my intentions will foreshadow what my actions will show you… my words are reserved for when you need reminding of those two facts. I may fall 10 times, but I only have to get up 11. That one extra piece of effort is what will make all the difference. I am a constantly evolving being. Continuously learning and experiencing and growing. Today is about self-discovery. Tomorrow I may be saying fuck the world. Progress is progress. Stay tuned….