I’m in transition…….
Change is upon me and it’s frightening to an enormous degree
I feel my growth
I can feel my potential
I feel my dreams and goals right at my fingertips
Right on the cusp of being realized
And I’m realizing, in the midst of this transition, that I can’t be who I “want” to be and who I “used” to be at the same time….
One has to go
The “known” has to be traded for the “unknown”
And I’m terrified….
I’m not comfortable wearing this smile that I don’t believe in
And before I am a daughter, before I am a mother, a sister, a friend, a niece, an aunt, a cousin, a girlfriend, fiance’, or wife, I am my own person
And I will not set fire to myself to keep anyone else warm….
I can feel my soul struggling to pour itself onto the surface for the world to see
It’s scratching and clawing on the inside to be let out
And I’m anxious for that release……
But I know that I will lose people in the process
People who once said they love me, will love me no longer
And I’m trying to adjust now
I’m grieving prematurely and paving a road for this new woman to travel across
And I’m prepared for the onslaught…
But this transition keeps me fearful
This evolution is threatening to rebel against this enslavement
And I’m battling somewhere in the middle
Being pulled left and right trying to find my equal footing
And I’m almost there…
I can feel it
I’m reclaiming myself
I am my own person!
And I am so in love with this woman….
My heart aches when I think of what I’ve overcome
My soul trembles at the smile of triumph that says to the world, “I’m still here…
And God’s not through with me yet.”
I’ve made it to the place and time in my life that will set the tone for the rest of my days
And I’m ready…
So I’m saying goodbye to the girl I’ve always known….
It’s time to meet the woman that will change my life……